How I'm feeling right now - Is it ok to let you know that I’m NOT ok right now?

Is it ok to let you know that I’m NOT ok right now?

That I feel so overwhelmed I can feel myself breaking.

That I died on the inside a long time ago.

That I can barely think straight, my head feels like it is going to explode.

That I feel like a failure as a woman and a mother.

That I’ve lost my confidence.

That I don’t know what the purpose is of ME anymore.

That I can’t see a way out of this tormenting dark space.

That I can barely face the outside world.

That lately, I feel a bit of me die on the inside everyday.

That I feel exhausted.

That I know that I won’t feel like this forever but right now I feel totally fucked up.

That I can’t just shake this shit off.

Is it ok to let you know?

How I'm feeling right now - its slowly destroying me

A good day to die

I feel so hollow on the inside, like someone has removed all hope from within me and left me with despair and bitter loneliness. The burden of weight seems so unbearable to carry, my joints are actually aching, I feel as though I am unable to put it down and relieve myself of it. I so wish that I could shake these feelings off and go about my day but there is no more fight in me. I feel tired, not the good type of tired, the tiredness you get after a hard days work or the tiredness you feel when you have earned the right to be tired. I just feel shattered, exhausted!

Today feels like a good day to die! I don’t feel suicidal, it just feels like the perfect time not to be here anymore, a time not be right here, right now and barely existing in this bitter pitiful consuming torment that is life.

Beautiful words for women

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This is one of my favorite things written for and about women. it's a great reminder of how amazing all of us women truly are. The author of this seems to be unknown

ONE FLAW IN WOMEN
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT SOMETIMES THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH!!


They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

They fight for what they believe in.They stand up to injustice.

They love unconditionally.They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

Reality Check

Its been a couple of months since I started this blog. It was supposed to be a record of my weight loss from fatness to fitness.  The truth is I have gained weight, I now weigh just over 17 stone!!
Yes, 17 stone!!
That’s 107.955 kilograms
That’s 238 pounds
In my head Im thinking how the hell did i manage to get to get so big?
17 freaking stone, Wow!

This is D-day for me!
last chance saloon

I seriously have to do something about my weight and actually stick to it (this time)!!!