Monday, 23 May 2016

Fuck you depression!

That is how I feel today. I woke up this morning and for the first time in weeks I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes in the grip of a depressive episode  is seems as if there is no light, so I’m not even aware that I’m in this supposed tunnel, so I see no light, feel no purpose or have any direction.

Not today! today I feel lighter, not in weight but in my head, those usual feelings of hollowness, dread and desperation that usually consume me are not there!!  Today I feel really good.  Today I feel great!

In my head it feels as if the light in the supposed tunnel has come on and I’m running towards that motherfucker. I saw a chance to choose how I was going to live today and I choose me!!

I feel like a warrior on the inside I feel like I can make it through today
Im ready for this war!
Fuck you depression I want my life back!
Fuck you depression I am stronger than you today!
Fuck you depression I feel alive !
Fuck you depression and take your sodding darkness back!

Fuck you depression! I’m fighting for ME!

Friday, 20 May 2016

How I'm feeling right now - Is it ok to let you know that I’m NOT ok right now?

Is it ok to let you know that I’m NOT ok right now?
That I feel so overwhelmed I can feel myself breaking.
That I died on the inside a long time ago.
That I can barely think straight, my head feels like it is going to explode.
That I feel like a failure as a woman and a mother.
That I’ve lost my confidence.
That I don’t know what the purpose is of ME anymore.
That I can’t see a way out of this tormenting dark space.
That I can barely face the outside world.
That lately, I feel a bit of me die on the inside everyday.
That I feel exhausted.
That I know that I won’t feel like this forever but right now I feel totally fucked up.
That I can’t just shake this shit off.

Is it ok to let you know?

Mental health

How I'm feeling right now - its slowly destroying me

Monday, 9 May 2016

A good day to die

I feel so hollow on the inside, like someone has removed all hope from within me and left me with despair and bitter loneliness. The burden of weight seems so unbearable to carry, my joints are actually aching, I feel as though I am unable to put it down and relieve myself of it. I so wish that I could shake these feelings off and go about my day but there is no more fight in me. I feel tired, not the good type of tired, the tiredness you get after a hard days work or the tiredness you feel when you have earned the right to be tired. I just feel shattered, exhausted!

Today feels like a good day to die! I don’t feel suicidal, it just feels like the perfect time not to be here anymore, a time not be right here, right now and barely existing in this bitter pitiful consuming torment that is life.